i don't want to be so messed up

I'm sorry. I have a terrible past and now i blame everyone for someone else's mistakes. I'm dead inside and i don't know how to connect with other people. Last year someone killed me, and now i may seem dramatic, but only me can tell what's going on. My mind is a very dark place and i don't want anyone to live there with me. My head is full of monsters that keep me awake everynight and don't let me fall asleep. I have insomnias and people think that's just because i'm addicted to the internet, but it's not; it's because the monsters in my head don't let me go to bed. And they try to kill me everynight. I'm sorry i'm such a fuck up, i fuck everything up, i'm messed and ruined. I'm sorry... it's all my fault. I'm sorry i can't love anyone neither believe someone loves me; because nobody does. I'm sorry... i'm sorry i'm a mess.